


Jaspis Drabbles

by deadly_poison



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Double Drabble, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Victim Blaming, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-09-26 15:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9910103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadly_poison/pseuds/deadly_poison
Summary: She pulled so the roaring entities inside her would abandon themselves to her.She yearned for peace.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write something femslash-y since it's February. (I cheated because I'd already written some of these :P I recycle leftover drabbles, I'm environmentally friendly).  
> Sooo... mind the warnings above. This is a Jaspis fic, it's not a fluffy AU, I tried to depict their canon dynamic. (Also, for those of you who enjoy it, each drabble is exactly 100 words long).

Lapis yanked the chain.  
Jasper fell down and, before she could hide it, a pained moan escaped her mouth. Lapis shot her a furious look. She didn’t like it when she complained.  
“It’s because of people like you that I was trapped in that mirror. You brought this upon yourself.”  
She was right. Jasper knew she had ended up here because of her own stupid ideas. She underestimated how strong Lapis was.  
But, she would get through this. Maybe, she would get through to Lapis and convince her to collaborate.  
“Go on. I can take it. You know I can.”

Down in the depths of the ocean, Lapis felt freer than she had in years.  
At first, she didn’t think it would last. But she pulled and pulled, pushing Jasper down. Every single one of her screams sent a shiver down her spine. She hoped nobody else could hear them, find them.  
Homeworld had trapped her, and the Crystal Gems had kept her in her prison.  
Didn’t she have a right to protect the one who freed her? Didn’t she have a right to be angry?  
There was no way to get those millennia back, but didn’t she deserve justice?

She was flying. Then, she was falling. Her memories stopped there.  
She opened her eyes. For the first time in months, there wasn’t any green. Only darkness surrounded her.  
She stayed there in the darkness, eyes open, trying to stand up.  
Moving hurt. She moved anyway.  
She could feel the dust and the dirt sliding off her body.  
How long had it been since she got there?  
As soon as she rose to her feet, she lost balance. She instinctively grasped for something to hold onto, but found nothing.  
Again, she was lying on the ground.  
Again, she was alone.

Lapis woke up.  
Her first thought was to fly away.  
A familiar voice called her name. She turned instantly. When they said goodbye, he made her feel lighter with just a few words.  
He cared about her so much that it didn’t make her feel vulnerable to care about him.  
Even if uncertainty made her feel heavier, flying was easy.  
But, where to?  
For a split second, she forgot that no-one was there to answer her thoughts. She wasn’t used to having only one mind.  
Could she still have a place on Homeworld?  
Lapis flew back, feeling heavier and heavier.

She let herself fall on top of the water tank. She had nowhere to go.  
She mumbled a curse word, knowing nobody was there to hear it.  
She would have wanted Jasper to hear that. It was her fault, too, if she couldn’t go back to Homeworld.  
“We can’t go back to Homeworld until I’ve defeated Rose Quartz,” Jasper would have answered.  
Soon, a whole conversation with an imaginary Jasper was playing out in her head, and she lost track of time.  
Then, the sky turned orange. She’d been thinking about Jasper for hours.  
“I miss her,” she whispered, horrified.

The proper thing to do was to try to contact her superiors on Homeworld.  
Peridot had without a doubt done that, succeeded in doing that, and was now off the planet. She had no reason to wait for her.  
She still felt weak and she needed a plan. If she found Lapis Lazuli, she would get a solution to both of those problems. If she kept staying in the water, she was sure to find her eventually.  
Now that she knew how truly powerless she was compared to Lapis, she was prepared to endure anything just to be Malachite again. 

She came to life in bits and pieces.  
The first time, it was unexpected. It startled them… her. She was there enough to look around. Then, she was gone.  
Every time she felt herself being ripped apart, it became harder and harder to let go.  
Something, an instinct, made her want to stay.  
With time, she learned how to best use the few moments she had.  
More and more each time, she pulled. It was the one thing she knew how to do.  
She pulled so the roaring entities inside her would abandon themselves to her.  
She yearned for peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, mind the warnings!  
> Also, again, I tried to write what I think Jasper or Lapis think, not what *I* think.

Jasper huffed at the screen. She hoped the whole mission wouldn’t be as boring as this interrogation.  
Peridot-5XG had been asking questions to the Lapis Lazuli for a while now. Still, her answers came out incredibly slowly, so they weren’t anywhere near to being done with it.  
In the beginning, she’d suspected that the rumor about her being a Crystal Gem was true. Yet, only hatred filled her voice when Lapis talked about them.  
After another pause, Jasper rolled her eyes.  
“Where’s the Crystal Gems’ base?” wasn’t a difficult question to answer, so why was it taking her so long?

 

“What?”  
She saw the ocean turn against her. She felt water around her, immobilizing her. What was that brat trying to do?  
“Now you’re MY prisoner, and I’m never letting you go!”  
Water chains pulled her down. She tried to unfuse, she stretched her mind and body, longing for freedom. She willed this to stop, but it didn’t. How was this even possible?  
This was the opposite of what she wanted. She could feel Lapis’ vengeful pleasure inside her mind.  
Even if she was panicked and confused, Jasper knew that whatever kind of power Lapis Lazuli had, she wanted it.

 

“Let me go. Didn’t you want to defeat them?”  
The other Gem’s feelings resonated in her mind. There were so many of them. Lapis hadn’t been able to feel so intensely in millennia.  
“I know you want revenge, I feel it, so let’s do it, together! Those traitors won’t stand a chance against us!”  
She pushed Jasper’s head under the water. She wasn’t in the mood for annoying questions.  
She didn’t want revenge. She wanted - no, she needed - justice. Homeworld never would have given it to her, so she took it.  
This felt so right, it could only be justice…

 

Days in the barn went by in a haze.  
She’d occasionally feel a pang of guilt for what she did to Jasper, but it was quickly swallowed by the swirling angry emptiness inside her. She knew she was supposed to feel bad for what she did inside Malachite. She wanted to feel bad. Most of the time, she didn’t. She should feel bad and guilty about that.  
Having feelings (besides anger) had stopped coming easy to her after the first few centuries of loneliness.  
Those fleeting moments of emotion reminded her that she could, with time, no longer feel empty.

 

Jasper would find a way to be okay. They would both be fine if they just kept away from each other. Jasper was strong, she’d rebuild herself.  
She had hoped that would eventually become true, but it had been easier to believe that before talking to her on that boat.  
She shivered, thinking back to those feverishly obsessed yellow eyes.  
In Jasper’s eyes, she could see how much pain she’d inflicted on her. A part of her resented the other Gem for showing her the full extent of the damage she’d done.  
No, she had to stop thinking like that.  
That day on the beach, the rage that consumed her needed to get out. If she kept it all in, she never would have moved on. She would have kept burning up from the inside.  
She’d been horrible to Jasper, she knew that now.  
Taking it all out on Jasper maybe did make her a monster, but it had been necessary.  
Still, when she’d begged her to take her back, she’d hesitated. She recalled how having someone to direct all your rage, your frustration at, felt good. Liberating, even. She missed that.  
Steven, once again, had saved her from herself.

 

Her army didn’t hesitate to run away from her. She’d spent so much time under someone else’s control that she couldn’t be a decent leader anymore.  
She couldn’t win this alone. She had to fuse. Her gaze landed on the blue beast behind her.  
She resisted. Then, she escaped. All those months spent in close contact with Lapis and she hadn’t even found out how she had stopped her from unfusing. Even a twisted beast couldn’t be forced into a fusion for long.  
Jasper couldn’t help but wonder… had a part of her wanted to be Malachite from the start?


	3. Chapter 3

On one side, Jasper. On the other, Steven and the Crystal Gems. It took her a few seconds to decide.  
Those traitors would never let her be truly free. They didn’t care how she felt. She remembered it: they didn’t want her to go home. If it hadn’t been for Steven, she would never have been able to leave.  
If her only choice was to be stuck on this miserable planet, then so be it.  
But she would be a prisoner on her terms, this time.  
This time, she could still have control. She could finally _have_ a prisoner, too.

   
One day, Steven appeared inside her- inside Malachite’s mind.  
As far as she knew, when Rose Quartz was alive she could do nothing of the sort. It took her by surprise.  
A rush of fear ran through her. He couldn’t be allowed to see what she was doing.  
He wouldn’t understand it. He would try to stop her. He wouldn’t see that she was helping him.  
Oh, what would she had given to have someone, anyone, visit her mind during the centuries of loneliness spent inside the mirror.  
It was too late now. Being a prisoner was all she knew.

 

She’d fought before. Any Gem who’d stayed on Earth for long enough during the war had fought.  
None of them would admit it. At the time, it had been explicitly against the Diamond’s wishes, after all.  
Nobody risks their life to preserve their good reputation. Many high ranking Gems had fought – against Crystal Gems and the humans who had helped them - and so had she.  
It was never like this. Her fighting style had always been more… indirect. Because of how her powers worked, water had to be between her and her enemies.  
Not this time. This time, her- Malachite’s arms could throw powerful punches, her massive body could push away whoever opposed her.  
Perhaps, she could be able to regain control of the fusion, using her last ounce of willpower. If Steven were being threatened, she might have tried to. She wasn’t sure she would have succeeded.  
Malachit- Jasper was just throwing punches at the Gems who’d kept Lapis trapped for thousands of years. Lapis wasn’t sure she wanted to put an effort into making her stop.  
She felt so tired. She let her mind drift away; allowing herself to vicariously experience the joy Jasper felt when she fought.

 

During the long days spent building an army, in the back of her mind, she knew she was in a race against time… the Cluster would emerge soon, making it impossible for her to get her revenge.  
_Hurry_. The thick snow made it harder for her to walk, but she never stopped. Malachite would have been able to move the snow, but Malachite wasn’t there.  
She needed to be quick, she had to get to Rose Quartz before her- this planet got destroyed.  
The thought of a destroyed Earth filled her with dread. She absolutely felt nothing but hatred for the wretched place, but… she wanted to end Rose Quartz herself.  
She’d tried bringing her to the Diamonds and let justice run its course. She would have succeeded if it hadn’t been for that stunt Lapis pulled.  
Lapis, who had hated this planet and those traitors as much as she did. As Jasper had soon found out, her need for revenge overshadowed the hatred she felt for the Earth.  
She’d been bound to Lapis for months, and every day she’d felt that hatred.  
Whatever Rose had told her to get her on her side, that feeling couldn’t have been extinguished.

 

Eventually, Peridot had managed to tell her what had gone down at the Beta Kindergarten.  
Lapis had always assumed that the Crystal Gems would have bubbled Jasper. She didn’t think, however, it would be because she’d been corrupted.  
She could tell Peridot assumed she’d feel relieved knowing Jasper was finally bubbled. She didn’t.  
She wasn’t scared of knowing Jasper was out there. What she hated was to be reminded of what she could do.  
They’d been together for so long… She’d never see her again.  
Right now, she felt as if a hole had been ripped open in her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> English's not my first language, if I made any grammar mistakes, don't be afraid to point them out, but also don't kill me.


End file.
